Book Review: Desperately Seeking Epic by B. N. Toler

Paul James loved Clara Bateman.
Hating her would have been easier.
She was the past, and he was hell-bent on keeping her there.
Or so he thought…

Craigslist Ad: DESPERATELY SEEKING EPIC

You’re my father.
I don’t know much about you. I know your name is Paul James, you’re a thrill seeker, and once upon a time you did stunts and people called you ‘Epic.’
I’ve been told you don’t know about me. That it’s complicated.
But for me it’s simple.
Here’s the thing: I’m twelve years old…and I’m dying.
And as much as this could crush my mother, I have to meet you before I go.
In time, I’m sure she’ll understand. She’s still in love with you.
So, Epic, if you read this, please come back. You don’t have to be my dad. You don’t even have to tell me you love me or you’re sorry. Just come see me.

Patiently waiting, but running out of time,

Neena

Disclaimer: I bought this book myself, for my kindle because getting paperback of romances is quite the pain in India. 

This is my first B.N. Toler book and it was bought sight unseen (meaning no peeking at Goodreads) because of it’s blurb – i mean, C’MON, YOU LOOK AT THAT BLURB AND TELL ME YOU WOULDN’T HAVE BOUGHT IT AS WELL! Go ahead, LIE TO ME!

“They say the opposite of love isn’t hate, but indifference. I hate him. I hate him so much I feel it seeping out of my pores, toxifying everything around me.”

When I picked up this book, I was in the mood to have my heart broken, and cry ugly tears – who knows, maybe I was hormonal – but I really needed that purge of emotions from my system and the blurb honestly tugged at my heartstrings and I ended up buying this one and best decision ever!!

If you know my preferences then you know that I rarely do second chance romances – but when they are kids involved? Now that’s a fair game. But even with my reservations, I picked this one up because I had a feeling it will be more about Neena than her parents and I was right – boy was I right!

 The book starts off in the present, with Neena ad her mother Clara interaction when she finds out that Neena had posted a Craiglist’s ad to find her father and that definitely went viral through the media channels, but while Clara is angry, she knows that Neena needs to meet her father, not just because it’s her choice but because she needs her father to save her life.

“I think that kiss was the first time I ever thought about forever.”

Clara fell in love with Paul when she inherited half of his legacy – something neither Paul nor his best friend had ever thought would happen. But she was running from a nasty divorce and a marriage turned bitter, that she took a chance to over haul her life, she took it with both hands.

Paul, on the other hand is a man suffering from wanderlust! He goes forth and back but never has the commitment to stay in one place, let alone having the whole shebang! He comes off as a jerk really, even if you read his POV – because darn it, if some of his decisions end up having some of the cruelest consequences for the people around him (and yes, I do mean Clara here!). 

“Look at me. I fucked up,” he rasps. “I know it. I’ve always known it. But I did love you, and I’ve never stopped. Hate me for leaving. Hate me for being a dick. But don’t hate me because I didn’t love you.”

 I am trying really hard not to give away any spoilers, really – but it’s hard not to – so I am going to talk about how I felt when I read this book – It was a mixture of bone jarring grief inter spaced with moments of adoration and at the end, a sense of closure even with everything going to crap around these lovely characters.

It’s easy to see how much Clara and Paul loved each other and how much that love is still alive – Neena saw it, and for a child suffering from imminent death, all she wants it to know that her mother is taken care off.

Not only do we see a instinctual relationship between Paul and Neena, we also see both Clara and Paul coming to terms with the decisions that they both made which impacted the other in a way that it changed their basic make-up.

Let me get this thing, this isn’t a book about Clara and Paul, this is a love story that they both decide to tell the world for the one person who really needed to hear it, Neena.

This book breaks you in a way that you think you will never recover from, but you do and you end it with a sense of closure, and that., I think is exactly what the author was trying to do – teach us that life is never easy  to live, but with the right person by your side, even the darkest of times can be slowly overthrown by slivers of light.

“I’m here, Clara. I’m not going anywhere. I promise. Where you go, I go.”

 

⭐ ⭐ ⭐ ⭐ .5