Welcome to the Blog Tour for Out of Focus by LB Simmons hosted by the lovely Inkslinger PR 🙂
Check out my review on this really amazing romance, as well as a little sneak peak into this beautiful book 😀
Enjoy Your visit lovelies ❤
“Shhhh, Cassandra, it’s our little secret.”
Secrets are stubborn things when they refuse to remain hidden. They tear through your soul, clawing and lashing until the pain becomes so unbearable, you’re left no choice but to silently scream your agony. No one hears you, of course. You smile on the outside and drift through life as though your mind is at peace, but all the while, you remain your own tortured prisoner. Sealed inside the darkened, soundproof room of your conscience, deafening cries echo as you plead for someone to unlock the door and release you from your nightmares. And eventually, when no one comes, you find ways to cope. To dull the suffering the only way you know how.
But what happens when you’ve become so numb, when everything around you has become so blurred, that you begin to lose focus on the saving grace standing directly in front of you? When you’ve anesthetized yourself to the point of losing consciousness, forced to watch as his once solid image fades away, lost to your reach in the haze as it smothers you?
What do you do then?
You fight. You heal. Then you bring him back.
Well, my name is Cassie Cooper, and it’s time.
No more secrets.
This is my story.
***WARNING – The subject matter of this novel centers around the psychological effects due to sexual abuse experienced during childhood. For this reason, as well as sexual situations, language, and adult themes, suggested reading age is 17+.***
This is my first Simmons novel – yes, I did not read Under The Influence before reading this one and yes I also understand the sacrilege that it, but only after reading this spin off – and I stumbled head first into adoration with her writing style.
“You’re addicted to romance.”
“I am, but fictional only. Real life romance doesn’t exist.”
Cass is my fictional alter ego. And from the first word she utters, it’s like she is mine and I am hers. It isn’t always easy to identify with a protagonist for me – don’t get me wrong, I do identify with parts of each character to I read, but to wholly identify with Cass, by the first time I am introduced to her, is nothing short of a brilliant accomplishment by a first time author for me!
“I read obsessively to escape my own world. To live the dreams of others when, for so long, the re-occurrence of my nightmares has been my reality. I read to fall in love and find a happily ever after, even if it is purely imagined. With each story I read, I’m able to live and love vicariously through the characters in my books. It’s the only plausible way for me to survive.”
Cass and I share no secrets, but what we do share is how we dealt with them – often in ways that only wrecked our lives, but also some parts of ourselves, that honestly I never believe will be fully healed.
Cass is a beautiful lady hell bent upon just going through the motions of her life – believing that her past, her secret is something that makes her wallow in darkness that she definitely believes that her path is only meant to be shrouded by darkness – but it is the appearance of Grady Bennett that disabuses her of that notion!! ❤
“You’re interested in knowing about my smile?”
“I am. I want to understand why you feel unworthy of your own smile. I’ve watched you this entire class and you want to know what I see? What I see is exactly this: You refuse to smile for yourself, but you smile for her. With everyone else, including me, it’s forced, but with her, it’s real. Call me selfish, but I also want to learn what it takes to get you to flash that gorgeous smile at me. For me.”
You know what I thought, when I first started understanding Grady –“I HAVE MY OWN FREAKING REAL LIFE GRADY” I do. I really do. He is as patient as Grady is,, as loyal and as loving as he is – and I have put him through enough hoops (just like Cass) that it is wonder that he didn’t drop me a hot sack of potatoes (which I sadly resembled when I read this book eating cake and crying my eyes out!).
But that’s thing about men like him and Grady, they aren’t shy about their expectations and damn if they don’t let you know it as well. And just like I found out, Cass did as well, that for men like Grady, scars don’t matter nor do secrets, all that matters is that they can keep you smiling and protect you like the precious you are (MY Grady’s words!).
“Secrets aren’t meant to be shared. They’re to remain hidden, safe from the judgement of others as they remain a burden for you, and only, to carry.”
This book isn’t easy to read, but nothing in life actually is. But this book is as real as it gets, it not only packs a punch, but the emotions in this book are raw, unfiltered and an absolute horror to deal with, and yet you are happy about it – I was when I reached the end, because the journey towards HEA is always an ongoing process and you never stop working towards it, no matter what!
The only thing, I could have changed or rather added to this book, is GRady’s POV – now that would have made this book perfect 😀
(But that’s just my need for closure. Feel free to ignore if you are okay with single POV!)
⭐ ⭐ ⭐ ⭐ .5
Only twenty-three years old, and I’m so goddamn tired.
I used to be so much stronger. I somehow kept the voices at bay, the memories locked away safely, contained within the confines of my mind. But with each passing day, I feel the glow of my once-luminous strength fading. Darkness encases me now, bowing the walls of protection I put into place years ago. My past is an ever-present nightmare, repeatedly tapping, slowly fracturing the window of my sanity.
I have no doubt that it’s only a matter of time before the glass finally breaks. Blackness will eventually seep through its cracks and deliver me from the safety of my façade into a reality that will destroy me.
I’ve done my part. I’ve kept the secrets thrust upon me with dedicated believability. My portrayal of who I am has become a blurred, hazy version of the once very distinct Cassie Cooper.
I read an ungodly amount of trashy romance novels.
I’m the overtly sexual and foul-mouthed friend who will say anything to get a laugh.
And I have exactly zero fucks to give to what anyone else thinks about my actions.
But the reality, the actuality, is this:
I read obsessively to escape my own world. To live the dreams of others when, for so long, the reoccurrence of my nightmares has been my reality. I read to fall in love and find a happily ever after, even if it is purely imagined. With each story I read, I’m able to live and love vicariously through the characters in my books. It’s the only plausible way for me to survive.
I threw away my virginity at the age of thirteen just to prove something. And when I found that proof, that vindication I was looking for, I sought it every chance I could. Sex is about control for me. Nothing more. The act will never be about making love, like it is for the heroines in my books. I will never be granted the beauty of that gift.
I use humor as a form of avoidance. I draw upon laughter to block the pain. And I smile to mask the agony of the eight-year-old soul who weeps within me.
And the fucks . . . well, that’s not entirely accurate either.
I have given two to be exact: One to my best friend of seventeen years. She knows nothing of my past, and although she so willingly disclosed the horrors of hers, mine remains hidden for no other reason than to avoid the pity she would undoubtedly cast my way if I were to ever tell her. I don’t want her pity. I would sooner die than have her look at me in any other way than with pride.
The other died with the person to whom it was given. Anthony “Rat” Marchione. He was my one allowance of naïveté. The one person I actually wanted to touch me, to hold me, to love me. He was going to rescue me from my brokenness as though I were a character in one of my books. Young and senseless, I thought he was to be my eventual happily ever after, but tragically, he was murdered five years ago.
Black coldness waits in vain to leech the void where his once beautiful existence filled the pieces of my irrevocably shattered heart. Where he temporarily healed the hurt of the innocent child and quieted the voices that tormented her.
He’s gone now. I’ve accepted that. And in turn, I have relinquished all dreams associated with finding the light at the end of this miserable tunnel.
I will keep trudging through this life . . . this sentence handed to me for someone else’s crime, my payment shackled by secrets and weighted with lies. I will continue to do so with the same fraudulent smile on my lips and play the part of the strong heroine so convincingly, that even I believe it.
It’s only a matter of time before my fictional strength wears out—when I’m no longer hidden safely inside my protective blur—and I have to face the very real and lucid image of my past.
But until that time comes, I’ll do all I can do.
All I have ever done.
I will pretend.
L.B. Simmons is a graduate of Texas A&M University and holds a degree in Biomedical Science. She has been a practicing Chemist for the last 11 years. She lives with her husband and three daughters in Texas and writes every chance she gets.