Her bosom heaved at an alarming rate as his rough hand found its way down to her soft, yet wiry briar patch…
Can you say briar patch in a romance novel? What about meat sword? That’s what it is…a meat sword, right, all meaty and sword like, slaying through the inner dungeons of a woman’s dark desires. What about breasts? Do bosoms really heave?
God, I have no idea what happens when private parts touch.
I’m a virgin trying to write a romance novel and can’t seem to write past a sex scene thanks to my lack of experience.
My two best friends encourage me to drop the pen for a while and gain some real life practice through multiple dating facets such as blind dates, online profiles, and random hookups.
But losing my virginity is proving to be tougher than expected…
I received a digital copy of the book from NetGalley in exchange for an honest review.
“I’m the friend, never the girlfriend, and I was okay with that until I realised I’m twenty-three, still a virgin, and as sexually inexperienced as a tween with Justin Bieber Posters covering her walls.”
I have been a closet romance novel freak since a long time and I am not ashamed to say that I have loved reading happily ever afters since I was a teenager, because lets face it, I was never going get one of my own, since none of my book boyfriends ever would come to life, for me *sigh*
So when I was browsing the NetGalley to find more free books to read, this one definitely caught my eye. You can’t blame me especially with this tagline – *I’m a virgin trying to write a romance novel and can’t seem to write past a sex scene thanks to my lack of experience.*
10 pages in, at 11 pm in the night, I knew my night and sleep was shot to hell and I absolutely loved every freaking second of it. I have laughed, cringed at the out of the world embarrassments Rosie seems to suffer at the hands of dating and fell in love with a girl who was more like me than I could find anywhere.
“I hated that I was so caught up in the little things… that small gesture from a man had me shaking and quaking in my shoes, but I’ve never been romanced.I never really went on dates and never really put myself out there.”
Rosie Bloom is an aspiring romance novelist, currently working in Cat Magazine and has yet to have her first sexual experience. And sadly, that lack of experience is stalling her efforts to write any sort of a sex scene, hilariously.
So her two best friends, Henry – a typical hot manwhore and Delaney with her boyfriend, Derk (yup, Derk honest to god!) she lives with, decide on a campaign for Rosie to loose her virginity.
“I feel like there is a stereotype in the world for people who read romance novels, people depict them as sad ladies sitting in a corner of their house, wearing a torn up sweater while eating chocolates and petting their cats.”
We go through the journey with Rosie tackling all sorts of problems related to dating life from flirting to using sex toys to even oral sex. This is one hilarious rollar coaster ride. Rosie also tackles the problem of being seen as a romance reader or even a romance novelist. Forgetting that romance writing is a billion dollar industry, it is still seen as a subservient part of the literature. The stereotype that leads us to cover up the steamy book that we are reading in a public place, because god forbid that anybody ever see us reading a romance novel, because it might send out a wrong signal. Why? Why is believing in love, true love so bad? (As you can see this is a very passionate subject for me :P)
“People are idiots in real life, and don’t see what’s sitting in front of them until they lose it. Life really isn’t a bunch of sunshine and rainbows. Nope, people make mistakes, they can’t see past their noses to find that the one man that has been a constant in their life was actually made for them.”
Rosie is a character that I absolutely loved. She this weird, geeky, adorable little fluffball of a bookworm that you can’t help but adore. I can also promise that every single of you bookworms with end up identifying with her. She has a tendency to embarrass herself (a tendency I identify with the most, cause if I can embarrass myself I definitely will).
From kicking her date in the nuts while swing dancing, from throwing up to flatus tendencies during oral sex to even freaking out after seeing male genitals, Rosie does it all on dates. So let’s not even go to what she does when preparing for sexual escapades (Just trust me when I say this, you will definitely think twice about doing the same *teeheheheehehe*)
“I was a girl who fell in love with a boy way before she got intimate with him. I just denied my feelings to save my heart. A lot of help that was, I thought, as I sat on Henry’s new couch, contemplating whether or not I was going to have a heart attack from his proximity.”
Now let’s talk about Henry. Rosie’s best friend. The manwhore. The guy who sleeps with anything that is breathing. He is absolutely freakingly adorable. But the best part was Rosie and Henry’s friendship. Their friendship was a relationship that I was actually jealous of. They were so comfortable with each other, that it took me 10 pages in to realize that they were absolutely perfect for each other.
“You heard me. Don’t you see the way I look at you every day, the way I touch you and talk to you? Can’t you see my heart beating out of my fucking chest every time I’m around you? God, Rosie, I’m so far in love with you, it’s ridiculous. I don’t just love you, I’m in love with you, like desperately, hopelessly, can’t be without you in love with you.”
Henry is now on my top favorite book boyfriends. His protectiveness, his love was so clear to see that I really wanted to shake him to make him clear the glasses that he had on, to make him realize why he had done what he did.
He made some very questionable decisions, like really questionable decisions (Me wanting to him punch him kind of questionable decisions), but he redeemed himself soon enough. Yes, this went on to be a cheesy romance cliche by the end, but boy was it an enjoyable cliche 😉
“Welcome to the world of love, Rosie. It sucks, it’s nauseating at times, and nerve racking, but the reward is so worth it when you have someone by your side supporting you, loving you, and being your life support. There’s nothing like it. Love isn’t easy and love isn’t kind; love is something you sacrifice everything for in the hopes that maybe, just maybe, there is a person in this world who will accept you for who you are.”
Meghan Quinn has made some relatively uncomfortable topics into enjoyable and humorous reading material. And after reading this book, she has now made the list of “autoauthorbuys” and I can’t wait to read her other books.
And if my review isn’t enough to make you want to read this one ([or shame peeps! You should totally love my reviews by now ;)] Here are some snippets that might sway your decision 😛
“I’m in my twenties, I should be out perusing the sexual dating pot of overeager gentlemen and horny homies that New York City has to offer, instead of dating my book boyfriends, even though they were the only kind of men who could satisfy me. They were perfect.”
“Didn’t anyone else share the same passion for books that I did?”
“The more I thought about it, the more I thought that notion was crazy. I didn’t spend too much time reading; there was no such thing.”
“I know it can’t all be true, that life isn’t as grand as some novels make it out to be, but I still love every single story because it’s an escape from reality, a moment in time where you can daydream of the impossible, where there is a chance of watching true love unfold in front of you”
“Ugh. I was that girl. That girl who couldn’t make up her damn mind. That girl in a novel that I wanted to shake uncontrollably, slap some sense into her. I could see the reviews now. God, Rosie is so annoying. Rosie is so wishy – wasy. Rosie doesn’t know a good thing when it hits her in the face.”
“Love is funny. It comes in all different shapes and sizes. Sometimes it’s hard to find and sometimes it’s sitting right in front of you, waiting to be recognized. What I learned from all the books I’ve read and from the book that I’m writing is that no matter what, you have to work to find love. It isn’t a given and it isn’t instantaneous. It’s a privilege to find, and should never be taken lightly.”
[Love me now okay? XP]
This book contains mature themes so I can only recommend for 18+. But beyond that every one of you, every single bookworm who loves any sort of romance novel, you definitely need to read this one. It is non – negotiable. Trust in my choices.